Photo courtesy of Katie Baby
“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”
– Jiddu Krishnamurti
You may be aware that I spent many years teaching hypnosis and hypnotic language. I don’t teach those skill-sets anymore, but recently someone asked me what my favourite hypnotic induction is. (In case you’re not familiar with the term, a hypnotic induction is a process for leading a person into an altered state.)
The answer I gave to this question was unexpected, counterintuitive and has profound implications if you want to have deeper connections, more influential communications and greater impact with clients, colleagues and loved ones.
The answer I gave to the question “What’s your favourite hypnotic induction?” was this: Listening. But not just any kind of listening. The kind of listening that leads to connection and impact is what I call “clarity listening”.
For many people, listening means waiting for their turn to speak
When was the last time someone really listened to you? People often have a lot on their mind, so while it may ‘look’ like they’re listening, they’re often…
– Thinking about something else entirely
– Trying to shoehorn what you’re saying into their view of the world
– Working on possible solutions to solve your problem or help you reach your goal
– Thinking about what they’re going to say next
The reality is that most people have forgotten how to listen deeply. It’s so long since they’ve listened (or been listened to) in this way, that they need to be reminded what it’s like.
Clarity listening equals a clear head and a sense of connection
Clarity listening is listening with nothing on your mind, sort of like you might listen to music, a radio play, or a piece of poetry. When you’re listening with clarity, you get involved in what the other person is saying, without having to fix, analyse or problem-solve. Listening in this way has a number of unexpected consequences…
Clarity listening benefits the person being listened to AND the listener…
For many people, their first experience of listening and being listened to in this way is on one of my training programmes. They often remark on just how good it feels to be really listened to. Here are some of the specific benefits of listening and being listened to in this way…
– You feel a sense of connection and rapport with the other person
– You get more into the present moment
– You point yourself towards the wellspring of fresh new thinking that’s there inside you
– You start uncovering solutions to problems and issues, having great ideas seeing next steps clearly
– You get more in touch with your wisdom and intuition, knowing the perfect thing to say or ask
– People often report feeling an increasing sense of peace and wellbeing
You’ll still be able to keep track of the conversation
One of the things that sometimes concerns people when they’re first learning to listen in this way is that they’ll lose track of the conversation, or won’t know what to say next. As you get the hang of clarity listening, you’ll find that you rarely lose track of the conversation. In fact, as you get a deeper understanding of clarity listening, you’ll find yourself being more in tune with the conversation, in a kind of ‘natural unfolding’ with the other person.
And why does this qualify as a 'hypnotic induction'? Because clarity listening allows a person to start bypassing their superstitious thinking and get more deeply in touch with who they really are.
When you’re listening in this way, every meeting, conversation or coaching session contains the opportunity for deep connection and liberating insight. Don’t take my word for it – start experimenting and let me know how you get on by posting in the comments box below.
To your increasing clarity,
Best
Jamie
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Comments
Thanks Jamie. I have been seeking guidance as to how to create a deeper experience for clients who come to me for hypnotherapy and I was moving in that direction too, in the sense that what they expect from me a lot of the time is for me to fix them but Clarity coaching principles have helped me to create a deeper experience where we can focus completely on their insights which are clearer for them when they are in a relaxed state. Thanks
Teaching people to listen should be taught in childhood (by parents or guardians) and, as lessons and as part of the curriculum, in schools. I don't reckon it is No 1 of Michael Gove's agenda … one day though… when true principles and common-sense reigns again.
The way I SEE things these days is that the 'action' and measured results' things will be improved is people, before they get going and doing, have clarity, also taught via the principles at home and in class. By innately listening (as you, Jamie, suggest in this article) people also get in touch with their sensitivity and awareness. People who are sensitive and aware before their intellect, before their trained and practiced skills, before their education and opinions and personal knowledge and philosophies kicks in, will simply be and do better in understanding, inside-out and connected.
Perhaps you've seen this or even know Julian Treasure:
http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html this sent FYI only
I'd love to see how Julian could, maybe, adjust his listening, his view and all of his senses, if he added pure and simple inside-out-understanding to the message he so ably shares … if Jamie met Julian.
Cheers
Love And Wellbeing
Great post Jamie, thanks and I so agree, my monthly group of women is focused on Clarity this month, the whole month we are walking with clarity….noticing how it affects our lives to be present, clear and available to life around us.
Getting clear with ourselves, our feelings our reality…its a matter of doing and being which is now. It takes work and focus reminding ourselves moment to moment… thanks, Kathy
Thank you, Jamie. Deep listening seems to be difficult sometimes… but for long time I have suspected that it's a key to… I don't even know what. Maybe to myself, maybe to others, or maybe… I don't know and I don't want to guess.
I'm afraid ist's somehow incoherent what I said. But you understand, don't you?
It’s hard to come by educated people for this
topic, however, you seem like you know what you’re talking
about! Thanks
Nice post. I used to be checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!
Extremely useful information particularly the closing
section 🙂 I deal with such info a lot. I was seeking this particular information for a long time.
Thank you and best of luck.