“Yeah, I say if it feels good, do it.”
– Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons
One of the biggest areas of confusion I see when people start exploring principles-based coaching is the area of feelings. They’ve often been told that they should “find a good feeling”, that “deeper feelings will let you know what to do”, or that they should “wait until you have the right feeling”. As a result of this well-meaning but ambiguous advice, they sometimes get paralysed while they wait for “the right feeling” to come. Or they dive into analysis of their feelings, trying to discern what their feelings are telling them to do so they can use them as a basis for decision-making. In the worst cases, it can end up boiling down to a kind of “If it feels good, do it – if it feels bad, don’t” philosophy which can lead to passivity and victimhood. In this article, you’re going to discover a discriminator that will help you clear up this misunderstanding. In the process, it’s going to take a lot off your mind, and have you taking action where you may have been stuck until now.
Your feelings are an incredibly precise and accurate gauge or signal. They’re an aspect of your neurophysiology that has evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, to help you live, thrive and survive here on planet Earth. Your body has countless feedback loops and signalling systems to govern things as diverse as body temperature, hydration and pH level. Just as the fuel gauge and speedometer in your car give you precise feedback about fuel level and speed respectively, your internal “gauges” each give you feedback on one thing:
Your feelings are a reflection of your Thought-generated perceptual reality in this moment.
Your car’s speedometer is an expert on one thing and one thing alone: the speed the wheels are turning at. It can’t tell you anything about your car’s fuel level, its RPMs or the engine temperature. Your speedometer doesn’t know anything about those things. In fact, if you mistakenly believed that it could tell you about these things, you’d soon get into trouble.
Your feelings are an expert on one thing and one thing alone: The principle of Thought taking form in this moment. Your feelings can’t tell you anything about your past, your future, what other people think of you or what you’re like as a person. Your feelings don’t know anything about those things. In fact, if you mistakenly believed that feelings could tell you about these things, you’d soon get into trouble.
But here’s the thing: we all sometimes get tricked into believing our feelings are telling us about something other than Thought in the moment. We believe our feelings are letting us know about future events or past experiences. We believe they’re letting us know about our progress or our prospects, our relationships or our achievements. We believe they’re letting us know about future glories or indignities, about the path we’ve trodden or the road ahead. This is what I call the ‘outside-in illusion’; the mistaken belief that we’re feeling something other than the principle of Thought taking form, moment to moment in our consciousness.
We all fall into the outside-in illusion from time to time. When we do, our heads fill up with contaminated, outside-in thinking as we make mental to-do lists and try to strategise our way forward. But the outside-in illusion is just that; an illusion. It doesn’t really exist. We haven’t evolved to thrive in a world that doesn’t exist; we’ve evolved to live, thrive and survive in reality. And the moment you fall out of the outside-in misunderstanding, reality is exactly where you land. And when you fall out of your contaminated thinking and into reality, you find that you know what to do, and what not to do. This is sometimes called “common sense” or “wisdom”. And it’s the most natural thing in the world. So here’s a question you might find useful:
Where do you think your feelings are coming from?
If it genuinely seems like they’re coming from anywhere other than the ebb and flow of Thought in this moment, you’ve been tricked into believing in a world that doesn’t exist. And the moment you wake up to that, even as a possibility, you’re on your way back to reality. The moment you insightfully realise that you’re living in the feeling of Thought in the moment, and not what you’ve been thinking about, you’ll wake up in the here and now. And you’re optimised for the here and now. This is where you thrive. Right here. Right now. Welcome.
Comments
Awesome stuff Jamie. The Principles have changed my life forever! And yes this can be confusing at times, so agree with the wait around to feel good thing being an issue. Or the opposite of people who want success to bring well-being with saying "What am I supposed to do, just feel good and sit on my couch."
Thank god is doesn't work like that! My mind has said the same.
I find that coming from a place of well-being, of love, of joy – whatever limiting words we want to describe that deeper feeling that is natural when not doing a thing, is really the secret to life, like Syd Banks had said.
I also am naturally ambitious and like to be successful, and I know that you do too, and many here reading this. That's where playing the game full out and fun. It's not about doing, it's not about not-doing. I also find that I do have an ability to use thought to shape results in a more effortless way when I come from a place of well-being in life and business. That I can actively shape my experience with thought more consciously, when that occurs to me to do. If I do too much of it, I get in hot water. It's a game in and of itself!
Nice one Jamie – hammer, nail, bang! I will, of course, shamelessly steal the speedo story and use it as my own! Your blog post is going in the vault of keepers. 🙂
i believe that if I am treated with disrespect, no matter what the reason, I must report the action to higher management. Is that thinking in the moment?
"And when you fall out of your contaminated thinking and into reality, you find that you know what to do, and what not to do. This is sometimes called “common sense” or “wisdom”. …..Absolutely true, but the thing is that wisdom and common sense are also brought to us by thought in the moment for which we have a feeling. Without that thought feeling connection in the moment we wouldn't recognise our wisdom/common sense. Not a bit of wonder it is all confusing.
This is absolutely brilliant
Seriously good post – a real slice of Clarity, thank you.
Hi Jamie,
A thought that comes to mind as I read this is that feelings are not necessarily true, they are guides, and like your thoughts they need to be trained and sometimes redirected towards the more correct feeling in the situation.
Larry, the thought you just had about 'feelings are not neccessarily true' is just a thought . Thoughts are not true either, as we create them based on what we want to believe.Yet you also say that feelings are guides, guides usually exist to tell us something-give information, so by denying them you are no receiving the information that may be important. At what point does it become denial and distortion regarding your feelings? The idea that thoughts and feelings 'need to be trained towards a more correct feeling in the situation' scares me.What IS the correct feeling and WHO says it's correct? Why not practice acceptance and acknowledge all parts of ourselves, not just the bits that make us uncomfortable, because the quest for control creates what you are trying to avoid-negative states e,g.anxiety and depression-now do they both come from thoughts or feelings! I think the solution is in balance between both thought and feeling and an awareness of both.
If feelings come from thoughts, then what do we base our decision making on, if not feelings in conjunction with logic? Feelings and logic used together create wisdom.Wisdom does not come from logic alone because logic is limited to what we already 'Know'. If our choices are purely based on logic, then how will we advance, as our logic is formed as a result of past experiences and shaped by beliefs we hold, so our experience of our past will determine our future? What about 'gut feeling'/intuition (We have three 'brains' Head, Heart and Gut which is scientifically proven.Do we ignore the messages coming from two of them and only focus on the head?)Our emotions are our internal compass and have guided people for centuries. I love the principle of this approach Jamie, but find it difficult to competely disregard feelings, or is that not what you're saying?I think it's about balance, and using this approach to recognise disempowering thoughts which can keep us stuck in a loop of repeating behaviours.Feeling confused.Explain more please?
If we acknowledge feelings that slow us down, we can move on diligently. If we wonder why we travel slowly whilst using a lot of energy it is because our cautious hamster is rowing backwards. By praising him you can get him to take his row out of the water and in time row with you.