Last night I spoke at “Interesting Talks”, a London meetup group, on the subject of Coaching with Clarity. I divided the time between talking about the Clarity Coaching model, demonstrating it in action (we had 2 demonstrations) and getting the participants to do exercises with each other. In this video, I coach Mark on a common dilemma – trying to get balance between conflicting priorities – studies, social life and building his coaching practice. He wants to find balance. But as you’ll see when you watch the video, it turns out to be quite a different issue.
I may “unpack” the session in a later post, but I’ll give you the same invitation I gave the group: don’t put your attention on what I’m doing – put your attention on where I’m coming from.
As you’ll see when you watch the video, the session had a big impact for Mark, despite the questions being pretty obvious. My leverage as a coach was coming from my grounding; my embodied understanding of how life works. As I said to the group before I started coaching Mark, 1) I know he already has all the answers he needs within him and 2) I know that I DON’T have the answers he needs within me. That leaves my mind free and clear to follow my wisdom and curiosity as I try to get a better understanding of what’s going on for Mark.
The main thing that this video is a demo of is the power of grounding in the coaching context.
In the last few minutes of the video, we return from a break, and I ask Mark if he has anything to report. Here’s what he said (I’ve transcribed it as the volume’s a little low)…
MARK: I think, there were certain instances when you were asking me these questions about, you know, people can’t be in two places at once and I was like why are you asking me that? But, I think in the end that, i dunno, gave me the information, I kind of needed. I don’t know, cos the life coach course I’m doing I’m sort of learning to ask these very incisive questions but you were asking these very kind of obvious questions but that did seem to, you know, clean everything out I suppose. Since I’ve been sitting here, like, you said go away and think about it, I don’t know how you’ve done it but I think I’ve clocked why I drink like so much when I do have to go to these things, so it was really good, thank-you.
Thanks to Dan & Matt at Interesting Talks, London, for putting on a great event and making the video available!
I hope you enjoy the video. Please let me know what you think, or if you have any questions
To your increasing clarity
Best
Jamie
Comments
Hi,
Am 3/4 through reading Clarity at the moment and it nice that something so simple can make so much sense. This is the first time i have looked into anything like this.
I have a high stress life for a variety of reason, MD of 2 comapnies, husband in a high stress job, pressures at home, blah blah blah.
This book instantly made a difference to the way i think, process information and look at life. Still early days as i only started reading it last week.
This video worries me slightly and has made me loose faith slightly as you have Mark sitting there with his issues that he doesnt seem to have any insight into and he is talking about training to be a life coach.
I understand that people have to figure out issues them selves but with something as clear cut as this i dont understand how he cant figure out for himself where the problems lie and how they can be resolved.
Do you find that the majority of peoples issues are as simple as this to resolve ?
It is making me look at my own from an outside perspective to see if they seem as simple to sort as Marks. I actually got quite frustrated watching this and just wanted to say.
* What is more important events or study ?
* Life is full of sacrifice if you want to succeed, work out your priorities and dont make excuses.
* If you think its difficult to juggle partying & studying,,,, get a grip with the clarity method now before you get bombarded with all the other trial and tribulations life brings.
Hi Elizabeth
Thanks for posting your comments – glad you're enjoying the book.
My experience is that most people's problems are much simpler to someone who doesn't have that problem. The issue they're up against isn't the problem; it's their own thinking. As a result, advice rarely works (if just telling him to get his act together would work, he probably would have sorted things out ages ago, as my sense is that's what he's been telling himself).
You ask if most people's problems are this simple to resolve. Yes and no. The only problem anyone ever has (imho) is a misunderstanding about how life works. From within that misunderstanding, they're doing their best to take care of themselves and their lives.
In Mark's case, part of the issue was that his social activities allowed him to experience a sense of connection, one of the most powerful drivers there is for us human beings. While on the surface, it seems obvious that study and work are more important, that overlooks the massive power of our need for love and connection.
Experience shows that once people have an insight, what used to look like a problem to them seems clear and simple. The key is having the insight. That's what I was pointing Mark in the direction of, and that's what I point all my clients in the direction of.
By the way, this coaching session was part of a talk that was open to the public, and was the first time I'd met Mark. I thought he did really well getting up in front of the audience and going through an experience where neither of us really knew what to expect.
Thanks again!
Best
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Agreed, he did do very well. I would certainly struggle getting up there and discussing my cooking pot of mahem.
I really admire what you do and am amazed that simply by reading a paragraph or chapter you really can completly change the way your brain operates.
I still have a long way to go to unravel the complexities of life but already this is helping.
Are you ever up in the North East UK ?
I thought this was a very good snapshot of how coaching on 'inside/out' thinking can be put into action, in terms of showing the process and the outcome for the individual with the 'problem'. The 'shift' of emphasis from the originating 'problem' i.e. achieving a balance of priorities to the 'insight' at the end by mark wasgreat to see. That what he really wanted was the sense of 'connection' and good feeling which he had thought before meant drinking to achieve that and which now he is seeing is possible without alcohol.
Jamie-Thank you so much for sharing these clips with the wider community.
Am about to go into a session with a client and took the opportunity of watching this Jamie. Thank you for the reminder to have nothing on my mind 🙂
In the break off part I loved hearing again your simple explanation of where people think their good feelings come from. I may have to use that today…. if it pops into my head at the right time !!
Lovely work and enjoying watching your ever increasing understanding.
Much love
Marion XX
Yes! I'm loving it. There are so few people out there teaching and coaching from this angle. The answers truly are within each of us, and it takes someone who is clear in their own mind to connect, observe and feed back the subtle clues we get from our clients and students.
I support you Jamie. You've got the gift and the skills. Keep on truckin' my friend.