At the end of what has been one of the strangest years in living memory, it’s not surprising when people ask me what the secret is to have a low-stress Christmas and a genuinely happy new year. In this article, you’re going to discover my top three tips for enjoying the holidays and the year ahead.
This episode features a coaching demo around weight-loss and fitness during lockdown that I did during a recent masterclass, “The Language of Insight & Transformational Change”. I start by talking about the six ‘languages of transformation’ before diving into one of them, the language of connection.
I’ve been passionate about language ever since I was a little boy. I loved learning new words, writing stories and making rhymes (I later became a musician and played in rock bands, but that’s a tale for another day).
* WHY YOU DON’T HAVE TO BLOW YOUR PROSPECTIVE CLIENT’S MIND
During a recent programme, I was demonstrating a simple approach to enrolling high-value clients in front of the group. I worked with the prospective client for 15-20 minutes and got their permission to come back to them with a proposal.
After the client sat down, another member of the group commented that the session had seemed pretty ‘low-key’. He said, “I thought that if you want a client to sign up with you, you need to blow their minds in that initial session.” I explained that wasn’t how I thought about it, for a number of reasons…
1) The only person who can blow the client’s mind is the client. Your mind works only one way: from the inside –> out. A coach’s role is to create the context where your client can have the insights and realizations that will make a difference to them on a go-forward basis. But you can’t “give” your client an insight; you can’t “make them” realise something. Your best bet is to create the optimal conditions for that insight to occur. In my case, that involves asking questions, listening to their answers and feeling for a sense of connection so I can start to “get their world” and understand what makes sense to my client.
2) Don’t underestimate how rare and “mind-blowing” it is for people to have someone truly listen to them. All too often, coaches and other transformation professionals are so keen to impress their client that they overlook the basics: calibration and connection.
3) Don’t underestimate the incredible power of connection and getting their world. Until your client can feel a sense of trust and connection with you, they’re unlikely to find themselves in a place where they can have the insights and realisations that will blow their mind. On the other hand, if your client is feeling safe, comfortable and connected to you, they’re not only more likely to have a meaningful insight; they’re also more likely to *enjoy* themselves! HINT: If you want to enrol someone as a client, it’s going to be a lot easier if they actually enjoy spending time with you. Speaking of which…
4) Paradox Alert: If you’re too busy trying to blow someone’s mind, you’re unlikely to have fun and unlikely to do the things you need to do for their mind to get blown. This is a paradox, but a powerful one. The least impressive person is generally the one who’s trying to be impressive. The least ‘mind-blowing’ coach is the one who’s putting their attention on trying to blow their client’s mind instead of putting it where it needs to be: the client. People can feel when you care about them. And that feeling of care is very distinct to the feeling of someone trying to “do something to you” (E.g. blow your mind). And here’s the thing: the more *you’re* enjoying your time with your client, the more likely your *client* is to enjoy their time with you. And it’s pretty hard to enjoy yourself when you’re putting your attention on trying to blow someone’s mind.
5) Don’t underestimate what can show up when someone has a clear head, and feels connection. My primary aims when I’m having an initial “chemistry session” with a client are to a) get into a feeling of connection with them, b) understand where they’re at and, c) understand what “wonderful” would look like. During this process, people often have liberating insights that profoundly re-order how they experience themselves and their world.
That’s how you help your clients blow their own minds, and that’s often the pre-cursor to a long and fruitful client relationship.
By the way, the essential difference between coaches, therapists and other transformation professionals who are making a great living, and those who struggle to get started or stay afloat can be summed up in two words. I made a three minute video about it, and you can watch it here: https://www.jamiesmart.com/packages
I’m giving a small group of coaches, therapists and other transformation professionals the chance to experience a one-off Impact Immersion called Coaching Packages & High Value Clients, and the price goes up at midnight this Friday, 16th June. You can get your place here: https://www.jamiesmart.com/packages
Sunday Times Bestselling Author, Speaker and Executive Coach
The episode you’re about to hear is a mentoring session on visibility & growing your audience that I did with Matt Fox. Matt’s one of the coaches taking part in the Clarity Advanced Coach & Facilitator Programme, and he and I met just over a year ago when he joined the Thriving Coaches Blueprint. And one of the things he developed while he was on that programme was his podcast, “The Heart of Dad”.
Matt’s a father himself, and he’s passionate about supporting dads to really be there in their children’s lives. In fact, many of his coaching clients are entrepreneurs who are also dads and want to experience more clarity and heart in their work and in their lives as a whole.
― Kenneth H. Blanchard
The episode you’re about to hear is an excerpt from one of the private laser-coaching & Q&A sessions I do each month with my ClarityPro Members.
Just to give you a bit of background, I’d been telling my clients about something my team and I do called ‘Project Gretsky’, inspired by a quote from the phenomenal hockey player, Wayne Gretsky who famously said, “Skate to where the puck is going, not where it’s been.”